Wednesday, October 22, 2008

What's new?

I haven't written a blog in a while and I've got so much to talk about.

I've also got a lot of microbiology reading to do, but this is wayyyy more fun.

I did my presentation on my disease in Micro yesterday. Boyyy was I nervous. The anxiety level was at an all-time high. But I got up there and did it, and 4 minutes later, it was over. And now, I'm presentation-free for the rest of the semester. :)

Oh, oh, ohhhhhh! I must tell you all.

My family is involved with theatre and performing and all that crazy stuff, and so my dad, being his bored little self this past couple weeks got together a bunch of pictures to send off to talent agencies. He included my little bit in with the bunch of pictures, and a talent agency called and wants to set up an interview with my Gabriella!

I found this slightly amusing that they want an interview with her. What she's gonna tell them about exactly?

But I digress. The interview is probably to see how she is with people and they'll probably want to take some pictures of her to see how photogenic she is. LOL. I don't think I have ever known a more camera-loving, photogenic child in all my life. Seriously, you get the camera out, and the girl starts cheesin'. The interview isn't until November 12, and I have to figure out what she will wear. Hmm.....

I was thinking about that outfit she has on in the post below this, the first photo with the striped shirt?

Opinions? I'm going to post pics of the other 2 outfits that are contenders as well and I want opinions!

So that's what is new with me, I think. Even if it's not, my momma is home and I have to help bring in the groceries!!

Friday, October 17, 2008

I love Fall.

Why, you ask?

Because of the pretty fall colors, like this:


And for lounging around the house in sweats, like this:


Thursday, October 16, 2008


This is a rant. I am in a ranty mood, and so what you are about to read will not involve humorous sarcasm or amusing anectodes. It will probably sound angry and not so nice.

But, this is my life.

I am not the sort of person to ever wish ill-will or death on another person. But quite frankly, for this particular person, I do. And at the same time I don't. I wish you would die because of all the utter trauma you have put me through in my life, and the permanent scars you have left me with. Do not mistake what I am saying. What you put me through was a TRAUMA. I have nightmares about you. I have daymares about you. They usually involve one of two scenarios: You kidnapping Gabriella and laughing about how you'll never let me see her, and the other one involves Gabriella wanting to know about you and me having no idea what to do about that.

BUT, I will say this, I do not hold you 100% responsible for the things I go through now, or for what happened then. Of course, all the effed up things you did I hold you responsible for, but I know I played a part in everything. Obviously I did, or I wouldn't have my sweet little girl right now.

The way I feel about you and the way I feel about the past are kind of like a scab in my life to be honest. It begins to heal and I am doing alright, and then something happens, and the scab is ripped off, with that same gaping wound that hurts the same way it did the last time. It's a constant cycle.

I wish you would die so I would know you are not out there. I wish you would die so then I can know you aren't going about your daily life being the deadbeat that I KNOW that you are. I wish you would die so I could stop ripping off the scab.

I wish you would die because I KNOW that you truly, truly believe you are the VICTIM in this whole situation.

It's how you've been your whole damn life. You're a victim. I'm the big, bad mommy who won't let you near here baby girl.

You're at least right about that.

I'll NEVER let you near her. Just like I would never let her play in the middle of the street. She doesn't need to be hit by the car known as her "dad." I've been hit by that car, and it hurt bad enough, but I was an adult and could process it, and you weren't a contributor to my being alive so I could get over it.


For some reason, you tend to randomly pop into my head sometimes. It's usually when I have time to think, like when I'm driving to school and a song comes on that reminds me of things, and I just ponder everything. And it makes me so mad that I could just scream.

I could just scream because of all the moments that I wanted to share with you and you are not there. I could just scream because of all the things you have cheated our daughter out of. I could just scream because there will come a day when her perfect little world will no longer be so perfect and she will suddenly feel less than because of YOU. I don't know what kind of person she's going to be. I know she is sensitive, she cries when Troy and Gabriella break up in HSM for heaven's sakes, how do you think she'll take it when she sees all the other little girls with their daddies and NOT HER?!!!

I could just scream because there is not a damn thing I can do about it.

It could have been different. It didn't have to be this way.

Some days I find it just unbearable to comprehend. Can you comprehend it? Can you comprehend each passing year that your daughter celebrates a birthday without you? You've missed everything. You missed the growing in my tummy, the kicks, the ultrasounds, the first cries, smiles, laughs, steps, words, terrible 2's, potty training, animal sounds, favorite shows,books, and tv shows. You've missed the funny stories she tells and the sweet way she says certain words. You've missed the poor girl with her stomach flu and taking care of her in such a state, you've missed the cracks on the head from falling, and the time outs. The snuggling, loving, and sweetness that is this little girl.

What I want to know is, NO, WHAT I NEED TO KNOW IS:


Monday, October 13, 2008

Dearest Mother,

Next time you wish to be mean to me, bear in mind that I am the one who does your laundry.

And cooks your food.


Have a nice night.


Your evil daughter.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

What ya' think?

I sometimes feel as though I am the worst mommy in the world.

Too much tv, not enough bonding time, too much yelling.

I just suck at it.

But then I think:

Clean clothes, baths, 3 meals a day, snacks, books, naptimes, hugs, and kisses. Oh and let's not forget the sleeping in my bed every day since she has been breathing oxygen, not to mention those 9 months in my body, stretch marks, saggy boobies, and going to school so I can have a good job so she can have the best, staying up endless hours doing homework for the same schooling so I can get good grades for the good job. And we're not EVEN going to go into the no friends, boyfriends, or anything remotely resembling a social life so that I can do all of the above.

Not to mention that I do it all without the other contributor of half her DNA.

Maybe I'm not so terrible.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

The DVD Player.

Or as my miniature shadow likes to call it, "The Gigi Player."

Now, how on EARTH did she get Gigi from DVD?

I have not a clue. But every time she says "fishfies on Gigi Player" I laugh. I just giggle at the humor my child imparts on me and she is none the wiser for it.

I laugh every day because I have her.

Now granted, I probably raise my voice every day because I have her too, but I am a the glass is half-full kinda gal.

Today, I yelled a lot. Not A LOT. But I brought us downstairs to make lunch, and EVERY TIME I went to get something to put our lunch together, I feel a little hand try to drag me out of the kitchen to get my opinion on every little thing she is doing. My approval is more like it. After about the 8th time of me trying to figure out what I was getting out of the refrigerator I just started yelling for her to "Go, go, go!"

I was just so frazzled and my brain was spinning and I couldn't figure out what I was doing because she kept grabbing my hand and distracting me. So I had had enough!

I feel like such a meanie when I'm like that, but I.CAN'T.THINK.

The rest of the day went well. I made a good dinner, and we took a shower cause she loves to take a shower with me, and I have to take one the night before I have class because I don't have time in the mornings. Then we came downstairs to say goodnight to grammy and grampy.

Tonight, grammy told Gabriella that she was going to put animals up in her new play room we made for her. Stuffed monkeys. Gabriella loves monkeys. So when grammy told her this, she raised her eyebrows, smiled, and went "Ohhhh, coool!" Lol. Toddler personalities are the funniest things I've ever seen.

My girl also is a sassy one.

When I tell her something she doesn't like, she says, "Okay, fiiiiiine."

It'll be good practice for when she's married.

This describes my baby's entire personality:


Tuesday, October 7, 2008


Is the grade I got on my first microbiology test! 97 out of 100! WOO HOO!

Dearest Gabriella,

It is NOT a good idea to drink 2 year old holy water found on your grandmother's table next to her bed.

Please refrain from this sort of behavior in the future.

Please and Thank You.


Your distracted, House-watching Momma

Saturday, October 4, 2008


Am I ALREADY behind on picking out preschools for my 2 1/2 year old? I've read about kids going to pre-preschool. I feel so behind. But I think pre-preschool is just daycare in disguise. Should I be researching the best preschool for my 4 year old to go to when she is 2 1/2?? I mean, I can teach her our phone number and how to use scissors by myself, and that's all I can recall learning at preschool.

Oh, and I also learned that when some kid pushes you out of your chair, YOU will get in trouble for it.

Tuesday, September 30, 2008


On top of going to Microbiology class today, I studied for 3 1/2 hours for my microbiology test that is on Thursday. I have been studying the past weekend as well, taking notes on chapters, reading, etc. Our teacher gave us a study guide for this test of stuff we should know that will probably be on the test.

It's 10 pages long.


Are you freaking kidding me?

And today she said it's going to be 100 multiple choices questions and a couple bonus questions.

And YET, the study guide is 10 PAGES LONG?!!!


Like I said, I have studied for 3 1/2 hours on top of going to class today, and I feel like I have before Thursday.

Kill me now.

Sunday, September 28, 2008



No, this isn't our costume, but it sure is adorable isn't it? She loves fairies.

I'm not sure what she should be for Halloween this year. Disney princess? Elmo? What? HELP.ME.

I don't want to buy a costume at the last minute like I have done for every Halloween since she was born.

Okay, this is just her THIRD Halloween, and she doesn't even know about it, but still.

P.S. I know how to upload pictures to the blog, so get readyyyy!


So you know those days when you feel like somebody should give you the "Worst Mother of the Year" award? Yeah, I'm having one of those days, or nights, if you will.

I wish I could explain all of the things I did today, but neither you, nor I, have the time.

Let's just skip to the end of the day where I sucked at parenting.

It's bathtime, I'm going to get Miss Baby out of the bath, and I feel the carpeting is kind of wet. Yeah, she likes to get crazy with the water sometimes. She takes a bath in Grammy's bath cause taking a bath in the boys bathroom is ewww, gross. Well, there's carpeting in the bath area. So I get some towels and am soaking up the water that's on the floor. And AS I'M DOING THAT, she takes the a big bowl of water and dumps it right.where.I' ON PURPOSE. (:insert annoying toddler laughter here:)

Mean Mommy Alert!

Lots of yelling, crying toddler, big scene.

And then somehow within FIVE minutes, I feel like the jerk.

What. EVER.

God makes em' cute for a that you can feel realllllly, reallllly bad when you are impatient with them.

Thanks God.

Saturday, September 27, 2008

Note To Self.

Stop reading blogs from parents whose children have died in tragic accidents or after suffering for years from some debilitating disease, like cancer.

Some people can read these blogs and go about their daily lives.

Friday, September 26, 2008


I am writng this blog from the computer in our computer room. It is not a laptop. My mom's laptop has a worm and won't connect to the internet for whatever evil reason. This makes me a very sad blogging girl.

Why, you ask?

Because when I blog I like to be resting comfortably on a couch, not sitting upright at a desk, in an uncomfortable spinning chair that my 2 1/2 year old attempts to spin while I'm.typing.

So if my blogs seems a little less sweet, just know it's because my mom's laptop is still incognito.

I have many more things to say, but a frozen pizza has to be put in an oven, so I shall bear my soul later tonight.

Wednesday, September 24, 2008

Season Premieres

I really can not handle the amount of new television that has bombarded my DVR lately. She is really getting a workout with all the recording she has to do.

Let's make a list of all the shows I WANT to watch this fall:

One Tree Hill
Law & Order: SVU
Grey's Anatomy
Ugly Betty
Pushing Daisies

I'm sure there are more that have not premiered yet, that will be added to my DVR list.

Here's what I'm wondering: How will I EVER get any homework done?

Stupid tv, stop coming out with shows I lurve. Between you and the computer, I'm gonna FAIL at life this semester. At least one of my classes is online so I can multi-task with that one.

Also, is it just me or are there some really A-MAZING movies coming out soon?

Okay good, I thought it was just me.

I probably won't see any of them until they come out on DVD though. I'll probably only go to the theater to see High School Musical 3. It will be Gabriella's very first movie theatre experience, and every time we see a commercial for it, we dance up and down in gleeful anticipation. Yes, I mean WE. I'm excited to see the frickin' movie. It's musical theatre for God's sake. BAD BAD BAD musical theatre, but musical theatre nonetheless.

I think I gave Gabriella the musical theatre lover gene when I was baking her in my tummeh. Seriously, she was watching HSM 2 tonight before her bath, and she was standing up dancing and singing (granted she only could sing the last words of the phrases but hey, she's trying). But when I came in to get down with her, I was told "Shhh" and "Go"

Somebody should tell her I used to rock that stage pre-her. We have the tapes for evidence. But whatever, I'm a mom, which means I have un-cool stamped on my forehead.


Monday, September 22, 2008

Prokaryotic & Eukaryotic Cell Anatomy

Is officially the most boring thing to read about. EVER.

It just SOUNDS boring doesn't it??

That could be why it's taking me so long to get through the chapter. Good thing there are pictures that take up an entire page. The chapter is only 35.pages.long. Grr. This book averages 20 pages a chapter and I take book notes while I read so it takes me a day or 2 to read and take notes on a chapter. This one will take longer I fear. :sigh:

On the bright side, it's the last chapter that needs to be read for the first microbiology test I have next Thursday. After I finish, I can study, study, study and get myself an A on that biotch. Or study and pray for a curve. Lol.

I had everything done and Gabriella in bed by 8:40 tonight. And I had my shower too since I let boo take a shower with me tonight. I'm officially a rockstar. Seriously, though, 8:40 is GREAT for us. I tend to get up later with her because I don't like waking up in the mornings. That pushes the WHOLE DAY back for me, but I can't help it. If I wasn't a single mom, and I don't know, had some help in doing the bagillion things I do every day, I would probably get up earlier than I do. But I don't.

On a funnier note, I woke up to Finding Nemo today on my tv. Apparently, my boo knows how to turn her own DVD's on without me. I rolled over and she was sitting there in my bed giggling. Then she looked at me and said "Fishfies" (fishies) in her sweet little kid voice.

There's nothing sweeter to wake up to than that, folks.

Bedtime. Talk to you after class tomorrow!

Sunday, September 21, 2008


For those of you who don't know me, I just thought I would share a little about myself so you can get to know me better.

I'm 23, a single mom of a 2 1/2 year old little girl who makes my world go round. I am also a student currently working on my nursing degree at a local community college. I live at home with my parents 2 brothers, 2 dogs, and a cat. It's a zoo, I know. My parents are currently helping me out with the financial aspect of taking care of my daughter so I can get my degree in school and still have time to spend with my little princess. That makes me a very lucky single mommy, and I feel thankful every day for having the family that I do.

Even though we're all pretty insane. But we're theatre people, so insanity goes with the territory.

I'm also pro-life, which is actually how I got started with this whole blogging thing. I started commenting on pro-life blogs, and got to know lots of other people with blogs, so I decided to start my own. Lots of people told me I should start my own, so now I'm finally doing that.

I'm not sure what I really want to use this blog for yet. I'm going to hopefully acquire my own style as the time goes on and I get better at this, but for now, I'm still trying to figure it all out. Kind of like with my life.

I guess that's all for the moment, does anybody know how I can post pictures in my posts? I'm not sure how to do that, but would like to.

Saturday, September 20, 2008


Most people who realize they have an internet addiction attempt to be on the computer less. You know, do something else with their time so they aren't always on the internet.

Me, I make a blog.

That's just how I get down. I have a MySpace and Facebook I could write stuff on, but I wanted to join the blogosphere. What can I say? I'm a follower.

I watched the 2nd Pirates of the Caribbean movie tonight, and it might have been cause I was half watching the movie and half reading blogs, but I thought it was really stupid. Except for Orlando Bloom. He is definitely not stupid. He is beautiful to look at. I could look at him

Can you tell I haven't had a date in 3 years?